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Zinny's witSUnlighT Hugging, Tree Kissing, GodLoving Missy! |
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June 23 On dogs i just met the dog from marley and me at robert's house. it's really amazing that dogs like that exist. :) June 19 hello past for some strange unknown reason, the christian channel here keeps playing pop from my past, no joke, here's my jukebox selection for the week that has managed to freak me out. And the male slave is arriving soon! haha...oh well, my esteemed cousin is. here we go. she grew up with the children of the stars in the hollywood hills and the boulevard her parents threw big parties everyone was there they hung out with folks like dennis hopper, bob seeger, sonny and cher now, she feels safe in this bar on fairfax and from the stage I can tell that she can't let go and she can't relax and just before she hangs her head to cry I sing to her a lullaby, I sing everything's gonna be all right rockabye, rockabye everything's gonna be all right rockabye, rockabye rockabye she still lives with her mom outside the city down that street about a half a mile and all her friends tell her she's so pretty but she'd be a whole lot prettier if she smiled once in a while `cause even her smile looks like a frown she's seen her share of devils in this angel town But, everything's gonna be all right rockabye, rockabye everything's gonna be all right rockabye, rockabye rockabye I told her I ain't so sure about this place it's hard to play a gig in this town and keep a straight face seems like everyone here's got a plan it's kind of like nashville with a tan, but, everything's gonna be all right rockabye, rockabye everything's gonna be all right rockabye, rockabye everything's gonna be all right rockabye, rockabye everything's gonna be all right rockabye, rockabye,rockabye, bye, bye bye, bye shawn mullins, rockabye
Somewhere there's speaking It's already coming in Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind You never could get it Unless you were fed it Now you're here and you don't know why But under skinned knees and the skid marks Past the places where you used to learn You howl and listen Listen and wait for the Echoes of angels who won't return [Chorus] He's everything you want He's everything you need He's everything inside of you That you wish you could be He says all the right things At exactly the right time But he means nothing to you And you don't know why You're waiting for someone To put you together You're waiting for someone to push you away There's always another wound to discover There's always something more you wish he'd say [Chorus] But you'll just sit tight And watch it unwind It's only what you're asking for And you'll be just fine With all of your time It's only what you're waiting for Out of the island Into the highway Past the places where you might have turned You never did notice But you still hide away The anger of angels who won't return [Chorus] I am everything you want I am everything you need I am everything inside of you That you wish you could be I say all the right things At exactly the right time But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why And I don't know why Why I don't know Vertical Horizon- Everything you want i don't know about you but this has been one mental week i need...some solace Who breaks down your defenses?.... so God has spoken finally, He says i am a baby, and i don't deny that. I AM a baby, even my own year 3s says my jewellery is so babyish. But that aside, on a serious note, while lying on a sofa bed, listening to Darlene Zech,Zesech?'s Sing of Your Great Love, from the depths of my soul, something wept and i felt wetness on my cheeks. Grand huh. Somehow only he can manage to break my defenses down like that. But i am grateful for this, that in this world, nobody else manages to tear down the walls, the thick barriers i built to protect my self that ends up being a trap, like he does. well we know who we are talking about. why that vast gap that i can't cross, why that ocean of impossiblity to my human fragility. i try my best everyday but it's never enough. and thus this vortex within my soul that refuses to be ignored. i hate my damn childishness, babyishness, and selfishness, but then i am scared to death of what might happen. So it's here again, where we wrestle with him and then let him break a part of us to remember this moment forever. i'm not at the part of the journey where i can't see ahead, i am certain that no matter what crap is thrown this way, there is hope, he will never give up on me but i rather give up on myself. it's like hanging onto a cliff, and it's not fun that way. i know for sure that the rainbow shall come, that spring still remains, that somehow it's not as fun without the shite, but then, when dirt is thrown my way and when the test stakes are high, i can't help but derail. so...what is there to do? But thank God for mercy, thank God that i don't know many things and that i am only but a worm. we all need someone like that who is willing to tear down our defenses with his bare hands and then protect us with those hands that are made for protecting, not cold hard walls, and then when we are ready to run again, he lets us go. who is there like that? i know i am not. June 18 On things interesting while i rough it out in perthok i always adored lara croft and the like, and good friend Diva-d is always quite amused by my incessant chatter about finding for treasure. He thinks i am kinda dumb that way. But then if God calls me to India, not bollywood or delhi but maybe to a slump to serve, i will be the first to confess that i am quite the worse option to be chosen for such things. Raised in materialistic comforts and a sanitised existence whose father disallowed all street foods even when we are in his hometown in malacca who will not stop at telling my teacher to withdraw me from the cross country because i have a flu and therefore if the virus travels to my heart, i might die, i am really not cut out for adventure, unless it's spelt with a C word. Comfort, Clean, Controlled.
I hate this lack of control i am experiencing now. It's the first time in my life i've got to deal with such. And it's driving me nuts, but i am wary when i am on the ball to get things settled, to make things happen and to get the here and now fast. There's been ungreat effects to that, and Diva-D will scold and say that i'm too impulsive.
But anyway to up the levels on the C words, i've asked my Cousin to come over for the weekend since he was studying here for a while anyway, and i said i will pay his way here. There. Classic Money User.
to the effect our conversation was typically US
me: i've checked, SQ has flights and specials, i'll pay up to 75% of whatever it takes.
him: ok, i'll settle the rest myself
me: i can't believe u will do this
him: it's a worthy offer.
me: of course,i am paying significant sums
him: well, you get me,
me: i might as well pay for a male escort
him: hey what we have is deeper than that ok.
so. that's it. i wonder, what God is thinking about me now. i wonder. ..... June 11 on using the word Idiot appropriatelyThe other day, one of my students came to me and said he wanted to use a rude word in his essay, i was very agreeable and asked him what the rude word was and how was he going to use it. He said the word was idiot, and idiotic. And i said, oh that's not a rude word! let's check the dictionary and see what it says. And so we did, and the meaning of idiot, i quote Oxford for the primary school user, was foolish, stupid, unwise and ignorant, coming from the Greek etymology, ignorance. And so we analysed this word and i explained how it can become a rude word when used during unwarranted times and on innocent or weaker people than us or in tones that are abusive, but there are moments in life when you need to use this word and for some people, this word will be all that surmise them.
ok, i take that back, i was never called to be a judge, but let's just say, i happen to think that this great legislator i know, he's pretty brilliant but he's an idiot. And then there's this person whom i am reading about now, called jeremy bentham, he's an even bigger idiot. let's listen to his arguments-
But Bentham believes in the happiness of the whole community, not just an individual, and hence the goal of an action is the greatest happiness of the greatest number of people. Bentham maintained that the justification of the criminal law in a community was to coincide the interests of an individual and the interests of the community. For example, stealing is in the interest of the individual but not in the interest of community. By setting up a punishment for theft, stealing is no longer of benefit to the thief, and hence both the interests of the individual and community lie in the same direction.
Now let's dissect this, firstly all of our actions have no value except whether they lead us to happiness or not- NOW, suppose that was a line of argument for us, then may it happen that one day i chance upon a really yummo-to-die-for 8000kj ice cream, which if i ate, i would thereby fulfil my calories quota for the day and then i wonder what will make me happier, to be thin or to be eating such good food and then be fat or eventually obese, and then maybe die but i still ate something that was to die for hey? Bentham's great measuring ROD was, really which one brings u most happiness....obviously he doesn't know what the meaning of happiness is...because if i were in that state, i don't think i can ever be happy...and trust me... i know this pain.
Now secondly, Bentham goes, oh wow i've discovered the great ROD i ought to tell the whole world that there is a cure...and the havoc he wreaks is called utilitarinism. what an idiotic idea...oh there should be laws governing rape and murder, because eventually it's making the community unhappy....say if that dude was thinking about such things in the first place. he was never really 'happy'.....
i profess, thanks to this idiot, i did learn a lesson on blaring your horns...but sigh...that's a tough thing to not do too...esp when u think u've got the cure. |
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